It Ends With Us//A Discussion

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**This discussion is full of my opinions and my reading experience. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to be respectful. We all get something different out of what we read.**


If you’ve not read It Ends With Us then please avert your eyes because –

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So, I can’t stop thinking about It Ends With Us. I have so many feelings and thoughts about this book and the characters. It has made me think and question. That’s what Colleen wanted us to do, think and question. When I read I always put myself into the shoes of the character. In this instance, I was pulled into the shoes of a character who goes through something that I’ve never personally experienced and it changed how I view myself in terms of how I would react in that situation versus how I always thought I would react.

To put it simply, I fell for Ryle the same way Lily did. That’s what Colleen wanted. She wanted us to put ourselves in Lily’s shoes like that and to experience what Lily goes through to create a better understanding of situations like Lily’s.

I remember when I first started reading It Ends With Us that I went ranting to my mother about how I didn’t like Ryle and how he was way too forceful and how things were moving too fast. I didn’t want Lily and Ryle together at first. But as I got more and more into the story Ryle grew on me and I was all for it. 

And then the first incident happens… I was shocked. I was completely thrown off. I literally sat there for a good five minutes staring at the page with my jaw hanging open. Most importantly I felt the emotional pain Lily went through in that moment. Then Ryle apologizes and begs for her forgiveness. It wasn’t that I was for her forgiving him but in that moment I hoped that it was a one time thing for Lily and for Ryle.

I was and am still flabbergasted with myself for even thinking that. The girl who always swore that if a guy laid his hands on her she would walk away falls for that situation in a book? (By girl I mean me.)

To say this book was a sort of epiphany for me is putting it lightly. It had/has me questioning things I thought I knew about myself. 

Then things are going all peachy in the world of It Ends With Us… Almost too peachy.

It happens again and I’m just as shocked as the first time. In that moment I didn’t want them together anymore. I was done with it. But then you learn about Ryle’s past and my heart couldn’t help but break for “baby” Ryle. I found myself rationalizing the whole PTSD/anger thing. Which again, was one of Colleen’s goals and me putting myself in Lily’s shoes. 

Again things are going peachy and at this point, the fact that things are going almost too perfect has me on guard waiting for something bad to happen again. My suspicions are proved correct. It happens again and my first thought was for Lily to run as far away as she can. I wasn’t falling for it again. I didn’t care about the whole PTSD thing. There was no excuse for what he did! It was horrific and he could have killed her. At the same time, my heart was breaking. It goes back to what I was saying about hope, but in this instance, it was more of the loss of that hope. There was no coming back from that incident.

“Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean you can simply stop loving them. It’s not a person’s actions that hurt the most. It’s the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear.”

I always believed that if I was ever in a situation where I was with someone and they put their hands on me I would walk away and not think twice. I always wondered why people in abusive relationships didn’t just walk away. It seemed obvious to me. It Ends With Us made me realize that it isn’t so black and white and that if I was put in such a situation I might not react how I thought I would. 

In Lily’s situation, she stayed and hoped because she loved him. It’s like the above quote from the book, just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean you can stop loving them. Because we’re in Lily’s head in this book I was experiencing that through her.

 I was so proud of Lily and her ultimate decision for herself and her daughter. 

I was even proud of Ryle. If you’re questioning my sanity at that statement hear me out! After that last incident, I did not want them together, at all. Even if Ryle had the possibility to change I didn’t think it was worth the risk. Especially because of their daughter. By saying I’m proud of Ryle, I mean in that instant when he realized how unhealthy their relationship was and how right Lily was. 

“I would beg her to leave him. I would tell her that she is worth so much more. And I would beg her not to go back, no matter how much he loves her. She’s worth so much more.”

I know in that moment they were hypothetically talking about their daughter, but those words were for Lily.

It also goes back to that quote –

“There is no such thing as bad people. We’re all just people who sometimes do bad things.”

Because in that moment, when Ryle made that selfless decision to walk away he was a good person who had done bad things.

And I’ve seen some say that there wasn’t a happy ending. That Ryle had no closure. You know what? I feel like the ending to It Ends With Us is the best ending I have ever read. To me, it was a happy ending! Lily broke the cycle of abuse, her daughter will never experience what she experienced. Ryle will get to know his daughter and his daughter will love him. That is a happy ending for all three of them. (Which, let’s be honest, is more than Ryle deserved.)

Another thing, ultimately the relationship wasn’t healthy for either Lily or Ryle. Ryle was the abuser, yes. But think about a life lived where you love someone so much but can’t control your urge to hurt them when you’re angry? Think about what that would do to a person? It would be a nightmare for all parties involved. Ryle showed so much remorse each time it happened, remorse like it was killing him, and while there was absolutely no excuse for what he did it was still heartbreaking.

Again, I tend to put myself in other people’s shoes, especially in books, which is why I really saw both sides that way while reading this. 

From everything else above you already know how much I put myself in Lily’s shoes.

In the end, I found myself struggling with the fact that I felt sorry for Ryle. I was happy for Lily. I was happy for their daughter. I was happy for Atlas. But I felt sorry for Ryle.  And not in the way you’re thinking.

I wasn’t sorry that he ended up alone. I wasn’t sorry that he and Lily didn’t end up together (I didn’t want them to end up together.). I wasn’t sorry that Lily got her “happily ever after” and he didn’t. He did get his “happily ever after” by having a future with his daughter. I think I was sorry for how much he loved Lily and the potential in that that will never be. I was sorry for the fact that he was an abuser, again because the potential he would have if that wasn’t a factor. I was sorry for the ‘could have been’s’, I guess. I don’t know if any of that even makes sense but it’s what I’ve been feeling in regards to Ryle.

And those are some of the feelings for It Ends With Us that I’ve been holding in. It was a life changing and incredibly powerful book for me.

What about you guys?

Did you experience similar emotions to the ones that I did? 

Do you agree with any of my points?

What are YOUR thoughts?


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My Review for It Ends With Us (x)

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26 thoughts on “It Ends With Us//A Discussion

  1. I want to read all reviews about this book because I want to read the book, so in order to distract myself from the fact that I’m not currently reading the book, I’ve been obsessed with others think of it! (I’m not sure if that run on sentence makes any sense..) Anyways, although I couldn’t read this post because of spoilers, I hope you enjoyed and I can’t wait to discuss it with you as soon as I read it as well 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I beyond enjoyed it! It’s a really incredible book and you’re gonna love. I can’t wait until you’re able to read it 😊!

      If you wanted to you could check out my actual review. It’s completely spoiler free, unlike this post. ♥

      Like

  2. Thank you for writing this. It mustn’t have been easy to put yourself out there.
    I, too while reading IEWU had so many thoughts and feelings. It’s such a thought provoking book. It helped me gain some perspective on what women in this awful type of situations might be feeling. When Lily referred to herself as a statistic my heart broke. The judgement toward the victims is unfair and as lily said we should have more distaste to the abusers. We should help them not judge them. It’s hard as it is.
    I thought the ending as a happy one too. She got away and broke the cycle. I loved that Atlas and Lily got together! After all the shit she’s been through she deserved her happiness.
    I agree, Ryle got way better than he deserved. He could’ve been put in jail to begin with. He got to have a relationship with their beautiful daughter and he has his great career. He’s living the dream, honestly. The novel is told in lily’s perspective. It’s her story so of course she got the closure. As for him, I’d like to think he’s got one but we didn’t see it because again it’s not his story. However, I would love more of Atlas. I think there is so much potential in there.

    I hope I’m making sense lol. Happy reading!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It really wasn’t. I was actually a little worried that anything I said could be misconstrued because every one of us who have read the book feel so passionately about it. I almost didn’t even post this because of that. It’s why I added the little my opinions disclaimer at the top.

      It really is such a thought provoking book! It helped me gain the same perspective and I completely agree with you, the judgment towards victims of abuse is horrible. We really should help and not judge. Colleen wanted to highlight that and for us to see that through Lily’s experience and her situation. I’ve always found the judgment of victims of abuse to be terrible and have a healthy dose of hatred for the abuser in any abuse story I’ve heard, but I never had much understanding for why the victim stayed. Although Lily’s situation is one of the possible many different kinds of abuse situations it helped open my eyes more to the why of things. If that makes any sense.

      Yes! After everything she went through there was justice in the fact that she came out on the other side, just as strong if not stronger, and got her happy ending. I loved that Lily and Atlas got together too. I was cheering at the end! 😊

      Exactly! In that moment, the one right after the last incident, I wanted him to be thrown into jail. He could have and should have gotten more punishment for what he did. The only punishment he even got was losing the love of his life, who he never even deserved. He got to keep everything else; his daughter and his dream. It was like he got off with a slap on the wrist pretty much compared to what Lily went through. In a way, I felt like that was the best closure Colleen could have given him. Sure, we don’t exactly know what the future holds for him but where it ended was better than what it should have been. And that’s exactly my line of thought too – it’s Lily’s story so of course we see it as more closure for her. I agree with you on Atlas! I’d love to see more of him. Though Colleen has said that she isn’t going to write a sequel (in the Facebook group). Who knows, maybe we’ll get something similar to what she did with November 9 in the future? Where it wasn’t so much a sequel of Ugly Love but we got to see more of the characters. 😊

      Sorry for writing you a mini essay 😂. I seem to never be able to say enough about this book. Happy reading to you too! ♥

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you for sharing your opinion. We all can’t shut up about IEWU. ♥

        Yes! There are many forms of abuse and every situation is different with different outcomes. Not all end well or well enough. All however heartbreaking and unfair to the victims. I also share your hatred toward the abusers as the rest of world I hope also does.
        I really wish no one has to deal with this awful type of situations. :/
        This book opened my eyes to how sometimes excuses and love can blind us from seeing the situation for what it is. Sometimes It’s difficult to let go of the past when it’s filled with good memories. It takes great strength and support to let go. Just thinking about it makes me even more proud of Lily for leaving.
        What I love the most about this novel that it’s starting an important conversation we all need to have. Because it’s not fiction for other people it’s a scary reality that they should get away from.

        I didn’t know about November 9 has something to do with Ugly love. I want to read it even more since I loved Ugly love. Not soon though because after IEWU I need a little break from Colleen Hoover. (in a good way lol.) I want to have read all her books by the time her next release comes out though.
        Can you please recommend me good NA/YA contemporary authors like Colleen Hoover? I want to branch out in the genre.
        Have a nice day! ❤

        Like

      • Exactly! It really is awful and for some people it is their reality. I feel like it’s something that is usually more pushed to the background and not really talked about. I completely agree with you, I also love how It Ends With Us is starting an important conversation! It has people discussing and understanding more about abusive relationships and it’s opening eyes to the reality of it. It goes to show the power of books and how it’s important to have more books that shed light on important topics like this.

        It doesn’t really have much to do with Ugly Love, but some of the characters from Ugly Love make an appearance. They were set in the same book world. It was pretty neat getting to see the characters I loved from Ugly Love. I hope you enjoy it whenever you get around to read it! I’m with you on needing a break from CoHo. Such emotional books! I need a few lighter ones thrown my way for a bit. 😂

        I actually have a post of my NA recommendations right here! But I also recommend Smut by Karina Halle, since you’re probably looking for something a tad lighter and a lot of my NA recs are heavier books. That book is cute and hilarious and if you’re not opposed to the raunchier side of NA it’s an amazing book 😊. As far as YA contemporaries go I haven’t read a lot this year, but if you haven’t read anything by Jandy Nelson then I highly recommend her. Her books are incredible and since you love Colleen I think you’ll like her stuff. 😊

        You have a nice day too! ♥

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I only skim read this review because I have this book on my to-read list and I didn’t want to get spoiled for anything before I do pick it up. But I’m guessing you loved this book? I’ve heard loads of great things about Colleen Hoover’s work and this book in particular as well so I can’t wait to get started on it.
    Once I have read it I’ll come back and read your review, I can see if I agree with your thoughts on It Ends With Us! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • YES! So much. It’s an incredible book! And this post definitely has spoilers, a lot of spoilers. 🙈

      Colleen really is an amazing writer and this book in particular is wow, even in comparison to all of her previous books. (Which you know I love a lot too. 😂)

      I hope you enjoy it as much as I did whenever you get the chance to read it and I can’t wait to see your thoughts! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I had the same thought process as you! I fell in love with Ryle too, was shocked, and hoped that it was a one time thing. The scene where he knew he needed to walk away had be sobbing.. just the whole situation broke my heart. Ugh. this book had me feeling everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad others experienced a similar reading experience as me while reading It Ends With Us! 😊

      It really was so heart breaking and I’m with you on sobbing at the part where he knew he needed to walk away. I couldn’t stop crying! The whole book was so powerful and so full of emotion. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it!

      Liked by 1 person

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